Golden Eyes

ironfinger 2 goldeneye

When this film originally came out in Japan, it was called Booted Babe, Busted Boss. I think this title sums up exactly what this film is more than I ever can. This film is a sequel to the previous film I reviewed Ironfinger. It starts in Beirut where again the protagonist is seemingly on a vacation. He meets by chance a young girl who needs an assassin (which is what we learn at the end of the previous film he is) to kill the person who killed her father. Of course we see this insane killing during the opening credits. A man is trying to climb a mountain and a helicopter with an anchor pierces him in the back. Why they don’t just shoot him is irrelevant, I suppose. This girl gives him a silver dollar to kill the man who killed her father. However the silver dollar is disguising something way more profitable. Right when she gives him the dollar, a young and pretty girl delivers a bouquet of flowers to the girl. But the bouquet is not what it seems…

Golden Eyes is just as ridiculous as the previous film, but it is also just as enjoyable. I really don’t care about critiquing the qualities of such an absurd film, so I will just relate all the crazy things that happen. For instance the protagonist, the woman who gives them the bouquet of flowers, a police detective and the young girl are on the side of the mountain where her father was killed. They are making a flower memorial for him when they see a bunch of old maids in black clothing pushing baby carriages approaching from the other side. At first the protagonist writes it off. Of course there would be old maids dressed in black pushing baby carriages on the side of a very dangerous mountain. I mean where does that not happen? Once the protagonist’s back is turned, the old maids turn their baby carriages around and start firing. Their babies were really high-powered machine guns !!!! They shoot and shoot, but the protagonist is a resourceful bastard. He takes a machine gun (I don’t know my guns at all…) and shoots it out to the crevasse. Having been suspended in thin air by his shots alone, he then aims at the trigger of the machine gun and shoots. This is how he can get rid of the old maid assassins without blowing his cover. I could not believe that he was doing this. How is this ever possible ever? At another point in the film the two girls that protagonist gets wrapped up with get captured. They are then tortured by having a car cigarette lighter touch their skin. I have been burned by a car cigarette lighter before and it does not hurt near as much as these babies make you believe it does. In order to rescue them and not reveal their position, the protagonist takes a whole crate full of champagne, pushes it out to the car garage they are at and shoots it. This makes the champagne bottles explode therefore “blinding” the men that are torturing the girls. The girls can now escape with just a few burns.

If these two events sound like a good time for you, then I would not hesitate to watch this film. It is a little hard to find, but once you do it will be worth it. If only for an hour.

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